Maybe you’re here because you’re wondering, why doesn’t my partner enjoy sex? Or, why don’t I get turned on with my partner? The answer might be more simple than you believe, and could be linked to sensory sensitivity. As a relationship therapist with neurodivergent folks I have seen many couples come into therapy for sexual challenges, each hoping that the other partner can be “fixed” or made to change. The good news: there is pretty much never one person to point blame, and it’s way more likely that an external ick is getting in the way of a good time. As in, “it’s not you, it’s the overhead lighting.” Whether you’re connecting with partners or solo, intimate contact can easily be dysregulating when you are sensitive to light, sound, smells, textures, temperatures, and even time.

Think of a time you acted in alignment with what you wanted in a dynamic with someone. This could be in your relationships, or your creative practice, your work, even day to day life like house tasks or eating. Were you asking for something, or were you responding to a request? Were you giving or receiving an answer? When you recall this moment in your mind, the body also remembers it and sensations can arise.

I guide you through creative somatic exercises which map out your unique automatic responses to stress, so you can start to identify and regulate those responses without them taking over total control and saturating your nervous system. You build your own tools for practical use in everyday situations.

More often than not, people grappling with low desire tend to turn blame inward, berating themselves with thoughts that they are somehow broken or pathological. They may falsely believe that they should just try harder to enjoy the type of intimacy their partner(s) desire. But unless a medical condition is the main complaint, low desire could signal that a channel to connection is pinched off.

Physical touch is a basic need at all stages of life. It is vital for well-being and can be used to calm, reassure, hold, contain, and otherwise make contact with another person. It signals to the body that it is safe in a relationship, making it possible to be calm and present with another person. Intentional, consensual physical touch has been proven to contribute to optimal human development throughout the lifespan, and contributes to high physiological quality of life.